Wait. What just happened? Did this elderly just wink at me? I think he did or maybe my mind has chosen to malfunction today. Again! It happened again but from a completely different person. Why? I’m barely two steps out my gate to run an errand and I’m already getting creepy looks. I knew something wasn’t right as soon as I woke up.
My mother called me to her room and asked me to sit and then she started “Toni, you’re still a baby, don’t let any boy deceive you o and don’t let your body deceive you…” I just sat there thinking what is this talk and why are we having it. Should I tell her she has lipstick on her teeth? Hmmn…What do I want for lunch? When last did I go swimming? “…that’s all I wanted to say you can go. I’ll get them for you tomorrow I can figure out your size.” “Okay thanks mom.” was my hasty response as I all but fled from her presence. Cool I’m getting a gift tomorrow but she knows my size jor she’s bought me shoes before.
And then it happened. The gift came. It didn’t feel like shoes so I ran into my room excitedly to find out what it was, I dumped the content hurriedly on my bed and out came a heap of bras and bra tops. I don’t understand I thought to myself “why?” I asked out loud.
I was lost in thought; I thought about how I unenthusiastically tried on all the bras and how they fit, as in they were actually occupied by my boobs. I touched them, when did they grow? Are these really mine?
I made a decision; I’ll not let my boobs grow. Why did they need to? That night I went to bed with a scarf tied around my breasts and then I lay on my chest to sleep. I’ll do this every night until them things disappear I thought to myself.
They never did.
Holiday over. I went back to school and told my friend Ada all about how I’ve started wearing a bra. “Really? You’re so lucky, I wish my breasts were big enough for a bra I’m still here wearing singlet”. “How am I lucky?” I asked her, “I feel old in fact I’m too fat every part of my body is just big.” “You’re not serious Toni, why are you sad that you now wear a bra? You should be happy, boys will like you now”.
Okay maybe admiration from boys isn’t such a bad thing, I mean I liked this boy in church who doesn’t know I exist, if he’ll notice me because of my boobs then I’m interested. I was still deep in thought on my way to the tuck shop to buy snacks when I heard someone shout “walk faster chesterella”, I turned “me?” “Yes you or are your breasts too big they now affect your legs?” She laughed as she walked past and then I heard the girl beside her say “I bet she’s a bra stuffer”. I cried for days as I thought first term of JSS2 was tough enough but it seems this term is going to be a lot tougher.
Fast forward to church one Sunday. I saw my good friend I hadn’t seen all week and ran to hug him. He acted awkwardly. I wondered what was wrong. As if reading my thoughts he replied “Sorry Toni but I can’t hug you anymore, my mom says I shouldn’t because you’re becoming a woman”.
Having boobs became a daily struggle and I learned to hate my body.
Thank you so much for making it to the second episode of Toni’s story, I feel like every girl has a new boob experience story.
If you have any questions, suggestions, thoughts or just anything else you like to add (maybe you can relate and would like to tell your story or someone else’s) please leave it in the comment section below. I would love to interact with you guys. xx