It was freshman year in Uni, about three weeks after I gained admission. I’d been going for lectures regularly but hadn’t made any friends. I was a loner, to be honest I still kind of am.
I was sitting in class one morning when this boy walked up to me, he said “Hey” I didn’t even flinch instead I kept staring at my novel pretending to read thinking nobody should talk to me abeg. “Hey what’s up my name is Femi”. “Okay” I answered “So what’s yours?” “My what?” “What’s your name?” now I was irritated “Um please go away, I don’t have time for this” I finally looked up.
He was a tall glass of dark chocolate milk with eyes I immediately got lost in and perfect teeth. Yes! I noticed his teeth. There and then I decided I had a type; my type was him, only him!
“Toni, my name is Toni” I smiled “oh cruella smiles” he said. I didn’t even get upset “yes cruella smiles” I replied. “You’re very beautiful Toni” he said and then my brain decided to go on holiday.
Femi and I quickly became a thing. We’d pinged each other every day since we met and exchanged BBpins. I wanted to be sure he was mine so one day I asked what we were doing, “Like you don’t know you’re my girlfriend” he answered. I was elated, I didn’t care that he was a 300 level student with a ton of 100 level carry over courses, he looked good on my arm plus I started to gain some level of popularity. I could tell my course mates envied me and this brought me great joy.
I was so grateful for Femi and that he was committed to me. I would sit and get lost in thought Femi is mine, really mine, he’s fine, has a great sense of style, is attentive to me and spoils me silly. I’d dated before but this was definitely bliss.
I had been kissed plenty but none could compare to Femi’s kisses. There was something about his mouth. His lips were so pink and so soft but hard when they needed to be. They were fire. Every time his mouth crushed mine, my knees would go weak and I would barely be able to stand. The more we kissed the more Femi’s hands roamed over my body, always ending up between my thighs which made me uncomfortable. I would tell him not to go there and he would ask why, to which I would remind him that I wasn’t ready to lose my virginity. Some days he was understanding some days he was not.
On this particular day he was far from understanding when I told him I still wasn’t ready to have sex. He yelled at me, got up and left the house. I cried bitterly. Sometime in the evening he called “get dressed we’re going out” he said, “okay but Femi I’m really sorry about earlier” “Just get dressed baby I’m coming to get you” he replied.
The party was bomb, everyone who was anyone on campus was there and again I was grateful to be Femi’s girl. Femi wasn’t acting himself though, he acted like a cat on a hot tin roof, he kept looking around like he was expecting for someone else “Baby are you okay” I asked him “Yeah” he replied “I’ll go get you something to drink” and before I could reply that I was fine he was gone. After thirty minutes and no Femi I decided to go in search of him, I eventually found him with a couple of guys, “Baby I thought you were bringing me a drink” “Cant I hang with my guys for a couple minutes? Must you always choke me?” he yelled. I’m pretty sure I shrunk from embarrassment so I just walked away. After a little while he came to where I was seated and apologised, “I love you Toni but you keep showing me that the feeling isn’t mutual”. I was appalled. What!? I lived and breathed this boy. I treated him like he was the best thing since sliced bread. I knew that I couldn’t voice my thoughts without crying so I just said I was sorry “Don’t apologise to me to me sweetie just show me that you love me, that you want me” “I do want you Femi” I replied “But I’m not ready and I’m scared” “scared of what? You know that I love you, you know you’re my wife right?” I am? I thought, well this changes things, I looked at him and I said “I love you too and I want you to know I do so I’m willing to go third base with you, we can have oral sex but you have to give me time to brace myself for the real thing” he looked at me like I was crazy and then laughing he held my hand and pulled me up “Come with me” he said.
“Where are we going?” I asked since he’d passed the turn home “Home” he replied but we’ll make a quick stop first” I looked at my wristwatch “Femi it’s almost 1a.m we can make the stop tomorrow” “Calm down” he replied. He turned off the engine after a while. I looked around; we were parked on the road “Why have you stopped here Femi?” I asked starting to freak out but instead of answering he reached over and kissed me. I tried to stop him “Babe we can do this at home” “Where’s your sense of spontaneity” he said and got out of the car. I was torn, I wanted to show him I love him but I also just wanted to go home. I chose the former. He opened the door to the passenger’s seat, brought me out of the car and started to kiss me. I decided to get into it after all I trusted him, he wouldn’t harm me or let any harm come to me. He opened the rear door, lay me down on the seat and then lay on top of me. Curse this dress I chose to wear. He did everything he would normally do and when his hand started to reach between my thighs I went rigid “Relax” he said against my mouth. I tried to. I started to get excited and little moans escaped my mouth. “You’re so wet” he said to me and started to undo his belt. I went back to panic mode. “What are you doing?” I asked “Sweetie I’m just going to put the tip in and play with it that’s all” “No!” I started to say when he cut me off with a kiss so hard it was almost painful, a tear slid down the corner of my eye. He brushed my hair backwards with his hand “Trust me baby, okay? I’ll just put the tip in, you’ll still be a virgin when I’m done” I couldn’t say a word, biting my bottom lip so hard I nodded.
My knees were thrust wider apart by his weight and the movement of his body, and then I felt it. Felt it rubbing against me. I started to sweat and shiver at the same time. Suddenly he burst into me with a thrust so knifing it broke all barriers. I didn’t scream. I couldn’t. I didn’t remember how to. Tears of pain filled my eyes as I lay there wishing that something could tear him away from on top me. After what lasted like an eternity I finally felt him withdrawing. He got out of the car, adjusted himself and pulled me up. “I got carried away, are you okay?” he asked. Not even an apology I thought, “You disvirgined me” I said in an almost whisper but I was sure he heard me clearly. I started to cry. “It was going to happen anyway, pull yourself together Toni” he said as he got into the driver’s seat.
The silence on the drive home was deafening. I was lost in thought; I’d always imagined my first time to be beautiful. This was sex? All I felt was pain. Where was the pleasure? Where was my afterglow?
I took a shower as soon as we got home. I scrubbed and scrubbed. I guess I thought I could scrub away the feel of him on my body. Joke. I couldn’t ignore the pain that lingered between my thighs. I started to climb into bed when I heard him say “I’m sorry you didn’t enjoy it this time, next time will be better.” There’s no such thing as a next time I thought but didn’t say anything. He moved to spoon me and disgust was all I felt. I tried to sleep and then wait, he snores?
To cut this already long story short, Femi never touched me again because I couldn’t bring myself to let him. All too quickly he moved on to the next girl and I was left alone to regret the day I was defiled.
Thank you so much for making it to the end of this story. If you really enjoyed it be on the look out for the next one.
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