It’d been about forty minutes and I still stood in the same spot reading the words on the envelope over and over. I couldn’t seem to tear my eyes away from the names written on the envelope, how could I? Words eluded me. My feelings were in a bunch, I felt a tear run down my face. I finally let the envelope fall to the ground as I spoke the words I had read on the envelope JONATHAN WEDS IBUKUN. How? The one man that had my heart was getting married to someone else. I shook my head trying to unscramble my brain; this couldn’t be happening where had I gone wrong?

I remember the first time I noticed Jonathan; I didn’t particularly have any thoughts regarding him. Jonathan and I had a mutual friend, In fact we have many mutual friends as we attend the same church but this fateful evening after fellowship this particular friend offered to walk me home as he had been doing only this time he wasn’t alone. We’d reached my street gate when I asked Gbenga “Why doesn’t your friend talk?” “Apart from the fact that he’s shy he just doesn’t like to. Just like you” was his reply “Oh he’s nothing like me” I responded. I looked over at his friend who happened to be Jonathan. He had his hands clasped behind his back, walking like he was hopping to Jalingo. As I kept looking a few thoughts came to mind, he is actually really cute but also very short and Father in heaven! What is he wearing? With all that red he looked like a village chief priest. Unconsciously I shook my head. He’s nothing like me.

The next time Gbenga walked me home guess who was with him? Yes. Jonathan. This time he managed to say a word or two. Subsequently both Gbenga and Jonathan started walking me home after service until one day Gbenga wasn’t available and Jonathan offered. The walk home started awkwardly I kept looking at him and thinking he’s not bad looking at all if only he dressed better. How we exchanged numbers I don’t recall but we started talking and chatting almost every night. We talked about almost everything that concerned me including my previous relationships.

I quickly found out that Jonathan was a musician; well that’s how people in church referred to him, as he had a music program nearly the entire church youth was helping him prepare for. I didn’t think of him as a musician, for me musician was very farfetched. He was simply a boy in the choir who wrote his own music, had a band and thought his songs were good enough to be recorded.

The day of the program happened to be a Sunday and all I wanted to do after the service was go home and sleep. I was just about to leave church when the youth pastor called me “You’ll be working as an usher, put on a black shirt and blue jeans and be here on time” she said. Grudgingly I responded that I would be there. All I wanted to do was sleep. I was back in church about 10 minutes before the program commenced and manned my duty post. Several singers took turns on the altar and finally Jonathan was introduced. He climbed the altar and sat behind the keyboard and sang and praised and worshipped. I recognised the person who had gotten on the altar but not this person who was making me feel God’s presence and bringing me to tears. Something else was happening to me that I didn’t understand. I was feeling giddy like that was my man on the altar but it wasn’t my man. Was I falling for Jonathan? The program ended and Jonathan became a celebrity, he was here and he was there, everybody wanted to take pictures with him. As I headed out the church door I saw that he was taking pictures with a lady so I waved and mouthed that I was going home. He quickly grabbed my arm and told me to take a picture with him. As I stood close to him my heart raced, I didn’t know how it happened but I was certain. I was certain I was in love with Jonathan. It didn’t make an atom of sense. He wasn’t even my type but I knew I was. On the ride back home he was all I could think of, I kept wondering how it happened and if he could by any chance feel the same way but how could he? Just because we talked every night didn’t give me the right to fall in love with him. I tried to shake off the feeling but it didn’t go away especially since Jonathan called me that night to thank me for my help.

Jonathan and I got even closer as time went by, so close that he started coming to my house often enough. I started to think that he could feel the same way about me since he was so available to me. One night when I couldn’t contain my feelings anymore I told him how I felt and asked If he felt the same way “Wow” he said “Have you prayed about it?” he asked, “I like you too but you should pray about it”. I didn’t know what to think, was he being religious on me or did he not feel the same way. I really wanted to spend time with him one afternoon so I asked him to movies and lunch. My excitement started to fade when I had to enter the movie theatre by myself because he was running late and then it faded completely when he came and I saw what he was wearing. How could this be the person I was in love with? During lunch I brought up the issue of his clothing and he promised to dress better with my help. We talked for hours and I didn’t want to leave until I had to.

He was looking at me funny, “Are you okay” I asked “Yes” he replied slowly as his eyes shifted to my mouth; very purposely I touched the tip of my tongue to my lips. He moved closer. My heart started racing the same time the room started spinning. He touched his palm to my face and his thumb moved across my cheek, inch by inch his face moved closer to mine until I felt his mouth on mine with a demand that aroused me. His mouth was so hard on mine yet his lips were so soft, I felt my knees go weak as his tongue plunged into my mouth demanding, invading, caressing and coaxing at the same time, he tasted like honey and fire. I couldn’t get enough. The warmth of his mouth ignited a burning between my thighs, my hands flew to his head just as his hand curved around my breast, thumb against my nipple. He began to undo the buttons of my blouse as he looked up at me and whispered “I want you” I nodded anxiously I wanted him too. I was about to respond when my phone started ringing. Not now I thought. I could murder whoever was calling. I ignored the call but it kept ringing, next thing I heard was my sisters voice urging me to pick my call, I looked and she was nowhere around, but I heard her voice again more clearly this time “Madam pick your call now”. Then the worst thing happened Jonathan faded away just as I felt my eyes opening. DAMMIT! I had been dreaming? And who was the idiot calling me?

The idiot calling me happened to be work. I had to be in Calabar for a work project. I was dismayed. As much as I loved being in Calabar I was going to miss the heck out of the really cute terribly dressed short man.
I ended up being in Calabar for about a year. At first Jonathan and I talked every night but that soon ended due to my busy schedule, we started talking once in a while and eventually never but that didn’t stop me from thinking about him, I started to wonder if he missed me as well or if out of sight was out of mind.

Seeing Jonathan for the first time in a year had me feeling all types of ways. I was anxious, nervous, excited and a little scared, so many questions ran through my mind, did he feel the same way? Was he going to confess his feelings haven missed me so much even though we had barely spoken? A hug? He started to walk towards me, the world closed around me and I could only hear the thud of my heart beat, as he got closer to me I almost couldn’t contain my excitement but I decided to try, was he this handsome when I left? Jonathan eventually reached me but instead of the warm embrace I was expecting I got a tap on the shoulder and a stern “Welcome back”, before I could even respond he walked away. I was bewildered what had just happened? Jonathan didn’t call me that night or any other time of the day for that matter. I became really hurt. I was so hurt and angry I decided to give Jonathan his space. I was actively teaching my mind not to care about him which was really hard as I was practically seeing him at both weekday and Sunday services. In fact I was wasting my time. My feelings hadn’t changed an inch but he didn’t know that as I always shunned him every time I saw him.

It’d been months since Jonathan and I were at loggerheads when I noticed that he was arduously trying to reach out to me. And as much as I wanted to stay mad at him I still cared about him so eventually we started casually greeting each other. One Sunday after church I noticed he was hovering around me and wondered why, he later asked me to accompany him to his friend’s studio which I did. That happened to be the ice breaker. He started coming over to my house, bringing me lunch and generally hanging out. I was ecstatic about this new development; I was getting my man back!

Another Sunday after church I overheard a mutual friend teasing him about a girl he had said was Jonathan’s girlfriend. What had I just heard? There was no way Jonathan had a girlfriend. I decided to pry. Pretending to laugh I asked him if it was true, sheepishly he denied it. It better not be true I had thought the entire evening. The next day Jonathan was at my house and after making him very comfortable I decided to bring up the issue. He eventually confessed to dating the girl but said that they were no longer together, and he didn’t love her anymore and then he proceeded to tell me about their relationship. I looked at his face, realization knocked. He was still in love with her. It took all the strength I could muster not to burst into tears as I heard him speak. The love and attention meant for me this girl had taken away.

Over the week I made a decision. I had never fought over a man before but I was going to do everything in my power to make sure Jonathan came back to me. A month passed by and I was still actively trying to win back ‘my man’. I called him like I was being paid to, I cooked for him, told him he looked nice even when he didn’t and it seemed I was starting to get the response I wanted.

I was barely five minutes in my house when my security guard called and handed me an envelope. As I read the contents of the envelope I was convinced that my heart was failing and I couldn’t move. It slowly began to sink in.
Somehow Jonathan and that girl had gotten back together if they were ever apart. Somehow he proposed to her. Somehow she said yes. Somehow they were getting married. Somehow I had pushed him away. Somehow I had lost the love of my life.

Or had I? Could you lose what you never had? The air of realization hit me. Jonathan was never mine.

Thank you so much for making it to the end of this story. These Random stories are long right? I apologise but you’d agree that they’re entertaining eh? Gentle reminder; This story and all the stories to come on this space are completely and utterly random.
Of course If you have any questions, suggestions or thoughts please drop them in the comment section below. I would love to hear from you.



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